< back to writings

2018

To you

I have decided to write this letter to you hoping you might share my lack of understandings. It is fascinating to write to you when I think about the word ‘you’. If I could totally forget about this letter, I could be part of this ‘you’ but sadly I won’t.

Not too long ago I have asked myself this question, where do all dusts go? I didn’t find the answer but I was glad that I couldn’t answer them. I dusted them away but they will still be there. Could you write me back if you know the answer to this question?

I will get back to the reason why I am writing to you. After all this time, I am little embarrassed to tell but I honestly don’t understand this world. I sometimes have to ask myself if they really exist or not. If I was in the world of Odyssey where you are nobody and Zeus can strike me anytime with his thunder, I might understand the world better. In this world of you and I, where you are someone nice and kind, and where I am trying to be a nice person, I find it hard to stand all the sadness that this world has to bare.

If you had wings and if I could transform myself into water, I would understand better this world where they throw bodies without wings into the ocean. In this world where you and I are living, sirens are no longer a mythology. I find every drop of tears hard to endure. Maybe Homer needed Odysseus to understand his world. If I think in this way, I can understand all the stories that he had to write. I guess he didn’t understand any of his world. I am not telling you that I am a genius like Homer, sadly I understand a little about this world. I am not saying that I understand it by understanding but I understand by not saying that I don’t understand. I do what I have learnt to do and I keep this incomprehensible world going.

Before sending you this letter I am going to translate this letter in English because I don’t speak English. I don’t know if I am writing to you or to this letter but once translated, I will not understand this letter. Through the translation, some of my words will be lost, sentences may become incomprehensible and some of my thoughts will disappear. In their absence, there will be a space for us to breathe. In this world full of violence, all I do is smoke out.

I hope while we breathe, all the voids that we didn’t see will come to us and we will know that they were always there. There will be bodies with wings that has never fallen, waiting for us. Then we might see the river of silver where no tears have fallen.

I hope you well

p.s I is nobody, It’s a secret